


Regrets Lead the Way to Redemption

by Pineprin137



Series: AU Sickfics [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Dean Winchester, Alive Mary Winchester, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotherly Angst, Dead John Winchester, Dean Winchester Makes Mistakes, Dean Winchester Whump, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Estrangement, F/M, Family Drama, Family Issues, Fist Fights, Guilt, Hangover, He gets better though so don't worry, Heavy Drinking, Law Student Sam Winchester, Mean Sam Winchester, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Public Humiliation, Relationship(s), Sam and Dean beat the crap out of each other, Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vomiting, What Is and What Should Never Be AU, and finally--, but - Freeform, poor mary, that tag should have been way earlier but I forgot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:55:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25212769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pineprin137/pseuds/Pineprin137
Summary: Dean hasn't always made the best decisions in his life, but the worst one was probably when he first tried a taste of his dad's beer at age fifteen. Now that he's older, the word 'Alcoholic' follows him around like a bad penny.Can't he have a few drinks AND be a good boyfriend/brother/son?
Relationships: Carmen Porter/Dean Winchester
Series: AU Sickfics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826650
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this AU is based on the Djinn-world Dean dreamed up in Season 2. However, in this version, Dean is a full-blown alcoholic, he and Carmen are experiencing a little unexpected surprise, and he and Sam are estranged. 
> 
> If the mention of alcoholism, vomiting, self-hate, or HEAVY angst bother you, click away right now. Do not proceed. 
> 
> For the rest of you, I hope you enjoy the first installment of my new series.

When Carmen answered the page from the E.R., the last person she expected to see was her boyfriend, Dean. 

“Dean? Honey, what are you doing here?” she asked, bypassing the reception desk to walk right over to the bed he was sitting on. 

“Hey, babe,” Dean said, nodding to her. He was cradling one arm against his chest, a thankfully clean rag wrapped around his forearm.  Carmen pecked him on the cheek before turning to the man standing nearby. It was his employer, Bobby Singer. 

“Bobby,” she said, nodding to him, “It’s been a while.” 

“Wish it was under better circumstances,” the older man replied with a grimace. He owned the shop where Dean worked as a mechanic so they'd met on a few occasions. 

She turned back to her boyfriend, gesturing for him to show her what happened. “Alright, let’s see it.” 

Dean rolled his eyes. “It’s not that bad,” he started, slowly unwrapping his injured arm, “But Bobby insisted I get it checked out.” He smirked at her. “And you know I wasn’t gonna pass up an opportunity to visit my smoking hot nurse girlfriend.” 

While Carmen sat down on a stool to take a closer look at the deep gash on Dean’s arm, the two men gave her an overview of what happened.

“Your boy here was working on one of Max’s old junkers, using the jack to get ‘er off the ground and the thing just snapped.” 

Dean smiled wryly. “Yeah, and apparently my reflexes aren’t as good as they used to be ‘cuz the damn thing scraped my arm before I could jump back.” 

“I see,” Carmen hummed, pulling out a suturing kit from the drawer. Dean paled when she ripped it open and set the supplies on a portable tray. “Well, luckily, it doesn’t seem too bad, but I’m still going to need to clean it out before I stitch it up.” 

“It…needs stitches?” Dean asked, his eyes glued to the sharp needle waiting on the tray. 

Carmen cupped his cheek. “Just a few and I promise I’ll be gentle.” 

Dean’s gaze flicked to Bobby then back to Carmen. He licked his lips before giving her a wan smile. “Okay.” 

“Bobby-” she said, “--why don’t you go grab a seat in the waiting area. I’ll send Dean out as soon as he’s done.” 

“Yeah, alright,” Bobby replied gruffly. 

Once the other man left, Carmen softened even further. “Just take a breath, honey. It’ll be over before you know it.”  Dean complied, breathing in deeply. 

When he slowly released it, however, Carmen smelled the alcohol on his breath.  She sighed before shaking her head and prepping the needle. “Dean… you told me you weren’t going to drink while you were working…” 

“I didn’t.” His reply was short and laced with frustration.  They’d had this conversation a hundred times and every time it was the same-- Carmen would accuse him of drinking too much and Dean would flat out deny it until he got caught. 

“You promised you wouldn’t lie to me, Dean,” Carmen said, pushing the needle through one edge of the wound. 

Dean hissed and averted his eyes-- Needles made him queasy. “I’m not.” 

Carmen paused to glance up at her boyfriend. “I can smell it on your breath.”

He wanted to cross his arms over his chest, but since he was unable, Dean settled for huffing, “I didn’t drink at work, okay?  _ Jesus. _ ”

“Okay, so, you drank  _ before  _ you went to work-- Dean that isn’t any less dangerous!” Carmen was trying to keep her voice down but her frustration and worry were still evident. 

“I’m fine, Carmen. It was just a stupid malfunction. I can do my job.” The needle went in a little too far and he flinched. “Ow! What’d you do that for?!”

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t--” Carmen sat back, took a calming breath. After refocusing on the task at hand, she resumed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just-- Dean, I worry about you…” 

Dean used his free hand to cup her cheek. “Hey, I’m okay…” 

Carmen nodded, tying off the knot. She checked the sutures to make sure they were straight and neat before she covered it. “I know-- and I’m really happy that it wasn’t something worse, but Dean, honey-- whenever you have alcohol in your system--” 

Dean pulled his hand back. “Am I good? I need to get back to work.” His voice was gruff, detached.

“Dean…” 

He sighed. “I’m not going to have this fight with you again, Carmen. I’m a grown-ass man and I can have a drink if I want to.” 

People were starting to look at them so Carmen lowered her voice. “Alright, okay, I get it," she said, holding her hands up placatingly, "--Not here. But, Dean, I need to know...” 

“Know _what_?” Dean asked, his green eyes guarded. 

Carmen stepped in front of him so she could place her hands on his face. She stroked his jaw with her thumb, soothing the angry tic. “How much?” 

“-- _Did I drink_?”

Carmen flinched when he spat his answer. She closed her eyes before nodding. She didn’t  _ want  _ to hear his answer, but she  _ needed _ to know…  _ “Yes,” _ she whispered. 

Dean sighed before turning his head away so he didn’t have to see the disappointment in his girlfriend's eyes. _“A couple fingers of bourbon.”_

She nodded. “Does Bobby know?” 

The mechanic shrugged. “Probably.” 

Carmen raised up onto her tiptoes to kiss him. “Just...be careful, okay? It’s nice to see you, but I’d rather it be for a lunch date than another work injury.”

“I will,” he said. 

As they walked over to the waiting area hand-in-hand, she asked him, “You going to be home after work?”  Dean didn’t look at her when he answered. 

“Uh, a few of the guys are going out, so I may be home late…” 

Carmen sighed, but she didn’t comment other than to say, “Okay, I’ll fix a plate for you and put it in the fridge. I’ll probably be asleep since I have the early shift tomorrow.” 

“Alright,” Dean said, nodding. They’d stopped a few feet away from Bobby so they could say goodbye somewhat privately. 

The young mechanic tucked a piece of long dark hair behind Carmen’s ear before softly smiling at her, “Have I told you today how much I love you, Nurse Porter?” 

She smiled at him. “Yes, but I never tire of hearing it, Mr. Winchester.” 

Dean leaned down to kiss her, his hand cupping the back of her head. Pulling back, he rested his forehead against hers. “I love you, baby. And I’ll try to do better about the drinking, okay? I’m sorry I scared you.” 

“ _Thank you…_ ” she whispered before she stepped back. “Now, go on-- Get back to work. I have people to save.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Dean chuckled. 

Carmen watched him and Bobby leave, waving when Dean looked back. 

Her mother’s words echoed in her head,  _ “Just be careful, Mija... I know you like that boy, but he’s troubled. And if you aren’t careful, he’ll take you down with him, breaking your heart into a million pieces.”  _

It wasn’t like Carmen didn’t know her boyfriend was an alcoholic, it was just that despite Dean’s strong affinity for a shot of tequila, a tumbler of whiskey, or a tall glass of beer six out of seven days a week, she still loved him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean spends a night out with the boys before coming home to Carmen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter with a dream sequence. I wasn't sure how to mark it other than put it in italics, so let me know if it's too confusing and I'll see what I can do.

When Carmen awoke at two in the morning to a knock on the door, she wasn’t shocked to find two of Dean’s coworkers supporting her drunk boyfriend. He looked barely conscious, his arms tossed over their shoulders. 

Carmen directed them over to the couch, where they deposited Dean before letting themselves out. 

_ “Oh, Dean…” _ Carmen murmured, stroking his face,  _ “what am I going to do with you…” _

She unlaced his boots and set them by the coffee table then draped a blanket over him before she walked into the kitchen to prepare a glass of water for when he woke up. 

She set it on the table so he would see it first thing along with a pair of headache relief capsules. The last thing she did before going back into their bedroom was placed the trashcan on the floor by his head. 

Once again lying down in their big bed all alone, Carmen closed her eyes and went back to sleep. 

_ “Hey, baby,” Dean said, walking up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her, his hands resting on her big belly. “How’re my girls?” he asked with his chin on her shoulder.  _

_ She met his eyes in the mirror. “Better now that you’re here. I was starting to think we were going to miss our own party.”  _

_ “Miss this? Never,” Dean reassured her, smiling. He turned his head to kiss her then stepped back and held out his hand to her. “Come on, Mrs. Winchester, our guests await.”  _

The dream ended abruptly and Carmen opened her eyes to see Dean getting into bed. He’d shed his clothes so all he was wearing was a pair of boxers. He snuggled up with one arm draped over her, his beer-breath warming her skin. 

_ “Dean…?”  _ she whispered. 

“ _ Hm?” _ he breathed. His hand searched out hers until he could lace their fingers together. 

_ “Did you go to the bathroom?”  _ If she didn’t remind him to use the facilities before falling asleep, chances were they would wake to a wet bed. 

With the alcohol still warming his belly, Dean was more pliant than when he was sober. So, when he answered her, it was honestly. “ _ No _ …” 

Carmen rolled over to face him.  _ “ _ Okay, why don’t you go try and then we’ll go to bed.” 

Dean smiled at her and kissed her nose before saying, “Okay, be right back.” He slipped out of the bed and padded into the bathroom. He didn’t close the door, but Carmen didn’t mind-- this way, she’d be able to  _ hear _ him use the toilet instead of trusting him when he came back out. 

And boy was she thankful she’d convinced him to go-- because it ended up taking well over a minute for Dean to drain his bladder. 

_ “Better?” _ she asked when he came back to bed. He nodded before pulling her into his arms. Closing her eyes, Carmen scooted in close to his body, Dean’s familiar scent lulling her back to sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it doesn't take much...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the last chapter was super short and now, this one is really long. So, sorry about that.

Before Dean was fully awake, he was lunging from the bed to stumble into the bathroom. He crouched in front of the toilet, his hands clinging to the bowl while he got sick. 

After the first round of his hangover was done, he used the mouthwash by the sink to rinse then crawled back into bed. 

Round two started just before Carmen’s alarm went off at five so she accompanied him into the bathroom. While he purged the alcohol he’d imbibed in last night at the bar, she brushed her teeth, washed her face, and put her contacts in. 

They walked back into the bedroom together-- Dean flopping onto the mattress while she pulled her scrubs out of the closet to get ready for work. 

Carmen was gathering her hair into a low ponytail when she heard him gag in the bedroom. “Dean Winchester-” she said, her eyes fixed on him in the mirror, “-- don’t you dare throw up on our bed.” 

Dean heard the threat in his girlfriend’s voice and quickly made his way over to the toilet for round three. This time, though, the end was signified by loud, dry heaves so he knew it was truly over. 

He followed Carmen out into the living room where he curled up on the couch while she made herself a smoothie for breakfast and put some bread into the toaster for him to try to eat.  When she carried it out to the living room, Dean sat up so she could join him. 

She drank her smoothie and carded her fingers through his hair while Dean bravely managed a tall glass of water to help with his headache. 

“How late do you work today?” Dean asked, setting the plate with his remaining piece of toast onto the coffee table. He propped his feet up beside it then draped his arm on the back of the couch.  Carmen accepted his unspoken invitation and rested her head on his shoulder once she finished her smoothie. 

“Four," the young nurse replied, her fingers drawing an unseen pattern on his chest. "Got any big plans for today?” Dean had Thursdays off. 

“I need to swing by Mom’s to take a look at her dryer-- see if she really needs to waste her money on that repairman.” 

“Can you do a load of laundry? I’m pretty sure I’m down to my last set of clean scrubs.” 

He nodded. “Sure, I’m almost out of jeans.”  This was how it went. Dean would get shitfaced, pass out, wake up hungover as hell, and then, they would avoid talking about it. 

Dean rubbed her shoulder, “I gotta go to the bathroom. Let me up.”

Carmen checked her watch as she sat back. “Give me a kiss before you go--I have to leave in about five minutes.” 

Dean obliged her request, bending over to kiss her. It was just a peck at first, but then, his hands moved to either side of her head and he knelt one of his knees into the cushions.  The young nurse mewled as he mouthed along her jawline and down her neck. Pulling the neck of her shirt down far enough to expose her collarbone, Dean sucked a hickey into her skin. 

“ _Mmm...Dean...I have to go to work…_ ” Carmen mumbled, getting lost in the feel of one of his hands sneaking beneath her top. 

“ _Mhmm…_ ” he hummed, rubbing his palm over the satin cup of her bra.

“And you...said you had to go…” she argued breathily.

Dean removed his hand from under her shirt so he could cup her bottom. “I can hold it,” he said, lifting her off of the couch. Carmen looped her arms around his neck, her legs wrapping around his waist as he carried her into the bedroom. 

He laid her down gently on the bed, his body covering hers while they kissed. Without breaking their connection, Dean used one hand to work the elastic waistband of her pants down. He had to remove one of her tennis shoes so he could free one of her feet then slipped her panties down as well. 

Carmen panted wildly, her chest gasping each time she felt Dean’s covered erection brush against her. 

After reaching over to open the drawer of Carmen’s nightstand, Dean pulled out the bottle of vanilla-scented warming lubricant and freed his cock. He drizzled some onto it then slicked himself up. He wiped the excess on Carmen’s pussy then held her close as he lined up and pushed in. 

Carmen’s naked leg wrapped around him, urging him deeper. Dean adjusted their position so he could get a better angle then started a steady rhythm that made her moan. Knowing they were on a time-clock, Dean licked his thumb and rubbed her clit, coaxing her towards an orgasm. 

When he felt his girlfriend’s fingers dig into his shoulders and back, Dean increased the pace. When he could tell her orgasm was approaching, he pulled out and scooted back so he could finger her G-spot while he licked her throbbing clit. 

Carmen came with a strangled cry and Dean followed her, his hand frantically jacking his cock until he came with a groan. He closed his eyes while his body continued to jerk, ejaculate dripping onto the sheets when it overflowed his palm. 

Lying beside Carmen while he tried to slow his racing heartbeat, Dean heard her curse. 

“Shit, I’m gonna be late for work!” 

Dean rolled over to kiss her before he got up. “No, you won’t. I’ll drop you off.” He tucked his limp dick back into his shorts as he walked over to the closet and pulled out a clean tee-shirt. Picking up his jeans from yesterday off of the floor, he deemed them clean enough to wear again. 

“It’s your day off…” Carmen frowned, pulling her underwear back up before she rearranged her scrubs. 

“I know,” Dean said, walking into the bathroom. He ran wet fingers through his hair to straighten it out a little then sat down on the bed to lace his boots. “There’re a few things I’d like to check on before they put the engine back into Max’s Buick.” 

“Are you sure?” Carmen asked, standing between his legs.

“I’m sure,” he said, kissing her once again. “You okay taking the bike?” She nodded. “Alright, let’s go.” 

Once Dean dropped Carmen off at the hospital-- a few coworkers staring enviously when they rolled up on Dean’s pristine black bike-- he headed over to his old neighborhood to stop by his mom's house. He'd promised to take a look at her dryer since it kept acting up and his day off was the perfect time to do it. 

“Hi, honey,” Mary greeted him when she opened the door. “Come on in, I’ve got a fresh pot of coffee and some muffins cooling on the stove.” 

“Thanks, I’m starvin’.” 

She asked him about the shop and about Carmen, making casual conversation until, finally, she couldn’t stall any longer. “I talked to Sam the other day…” 

Dean stiffened in his seat at the table. “Oh?” He and his little brother had been close once upon a time, but they hadn’t spoken in about six months. 

“I invited him and Jessica to come up for my birthday in a few weeks.” She smiled at Dean. “I thought it would be nice to have everyone together for dinner. Carmen, too, of course.” 

Sam and his girlfriend, Jessica lived in California in a small apartment just off of Stanford’s sprawling campus. Sam was attending the Ivy League school to get a law degree while Jessica was there for finance. 

“Great.” Dean tried to sound enthused, but by the look on his mother’s face, he failed miserably. 

“Dean, I know you and Sam don’t get along, but it would mean a lot to me if you were there too.” 

It wasn’t that Dean didn’t love his brother-- he did. It was just that, ever since Sam moved away to go to college, he’d looked down his nose at his older brother who’d barely graduated high school, still lived in their hometown, and drank like a fish. 

Dean was secretly glad their late father, John, wouldn’t be there. He'd always doted on Sam. 

Not willing to risk breaking his mother’s heart by turning her down, Dean sighed before rising from the table. He walked over to give her a hug. “We’ll be there… and hey, it might be nice to see Sam and Jess. It’s… been a while.” 

Mary accepted his peace offering with a watery smile. 

Pulling out of her driveway a few hours later, it only took Dean two seconds to decide to head downtown instead of back to the apartment. And when he settled his bike in front of the beat-up building that contained his favorite bar, he felt a sense of ease wash over him. 

“Hey, Joey.” Dean greeted the bartender as he slid onto his regular stool. The old man frowned as he placed an empty glass in front of him. 

“What’ll it be today, son?” 

Dean rested his elbow on the bar and massaged his forehead. “Whiskey--neat.” 

“You got it.” Rich amber liquid poured into his glass before Joey walked away. He knew Dean wasn’t much of a talker, so he usually left him alone. 

Dean took a healthy swallow as memories of his childhood bombarded him. 

_ How excited he’d been to become a big brother... How much fun he and Sammy had hiding John’s glasses while he slept... Sneaking out when they were teenagers... _

Another sip unfortunately brought up the bad memories as well. 

_ Sam calling him a coward when Dean chose not to try out for any sports… Sam ‘missing’ Dean’s graduation ceremony... The look on his brother’s face when Dean got into a yelling match with their dad and moved out at the tender age of nineteen...  _

_ Not receiving an invitation to Sam’s graduation…  _

_ Not exchanging a word for over a year after Dean showed up to John’s funeral drunk…  _

Dean had made mistakes- some small, others epic- But every time his brother was around, Sam made it his mission to remind Dean of every single one. Like he didn’t think Dean felt bad enough for ruining Christmas three years ago or not living up to their family’s expectations. 

Realizing his glass was empty, Dean tapped the bar, signaling Joey for another. The bartender sighed as he carried the bottle over, but Dean didn’t care. He didn’t want to think about Sam or all the times he’d fucked up. He just wanted to be numb again. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out to see Carmen’s picture. He pushed the button to answer. “Hey, babe, what’s up?” 

_“I might be coming home early today.”_

“Oh, how come?” Dean asked, draining his glass. He laid a twenty down on the bar and nodded to Joey before he walked out. 

_ “I’m not feeling that great-- I threw up after rounds.”  _

Dean straddled his bike but didn’t turn it on. “You didn’t seem sick this morning-- You okay?” 

_“Yeah. It came on pretty suddenly,”_ she laughed humorlessly, _“Probably one of the bugs going around the hospital.”_

“You want me to pick anything up for you?” he asked. 

_ “No, I just wanted to let you know in case I need you to come to get me before my shift is over.”  _

“Alright, keep me posted.” 

_“Okay. I will. Love you.”_

“Love you, too.” Dean hung up and slipped his phone back into his pocket then started his bike. 

By the time he got back to the apartment, the whiskey was making him sleepy so Dean decided to take a short nap before he got lunch together. He sat down with his head resting on the back of the couch and crossed his arms. The stitches from yesterday pulled a little, but there was no pain thanks to the alcohol. 

When he closed his eyes, Dean dreamed of Sam. 

_ “What’re you doing up there, Dean?” Sam called up to his brother. Dean was crouched on the roof of the shed in his Superman costume.  _

_ “I’m saving the people of Metropolis, duh.”  _

_ “Oh.” Sam watched as Dean stood up on shaky legs, put his hands on his hips. His red cape billowed behind him.  _

_ Dean looked down at him expectantly.  _

_ “What’s wrong?” Sam asked.  _

_ “You hafta say the words, Sammy…”  _

_ “Oh, right. Um, It’s a bird!” Sam shouted, pointing towards the oak tree in their backyard. He then turned to seemingly peer into the distance over the fence. “It’s a plane!” Dean prepped for his jump, his arms out and his knees bent. “It’s... SUPERMAN!”  _

_ Dean leaped off of the shed, landing on the ground in a somersault. He jumped up and brushed his hair out of his eyes to pose while his little brother clapped.  _

A strange ringing sound interrupted his dream, but Dean ignored it as the scene shifted. 

_ “Sammy?! Sammy? Where’d you go?” Dean yelled, racing around the house as he searched for his brother. They’d been playing hide and seek but now, Dean couldn’t find him. Mom and Dad would be back from their friends’ party soon and he was supposed to keep an eye on Sam.  _

_ Something in the backyard caught his eye. It looked like a grey flag on top of the shed… Dean walked over to the patio door and opened it just in time to see his little brother imitate his jump from earlier. Except Sammy was dressed as Batman, and he didn’t tuck and roll.  _

_ “DEAN!” Sam yelled when he hit the ground with an awful thud. His arm hurt really bad.  _

_ “Sammy, don’t move!” Dean yelled, running out into the backyard in his pajamas. His bare feet slid in the grass still slick from a gentle rain that afternoon.  _

Dean woke up with the image of Sam’s broken arm still in his mind, his heart racing with remembered adrenaline. He grabbed his phone off of the table to silence the loud ringing, but then, he realized it was Carmen’s ringtone. 

“Yeah?” He said, his voice raspy with sleep. 

_ “Dean, I need you to come to get me…”  _

“Yeah, okay. Uh, where do you want me to pick you up at?” 

_ “Um, the doors on the Northside? I’ll wait just inside so you don’t have to worry about security.”  _

“Alright, I’ll, uh, I’ll be there in about ten minutes.” After Dean hung up, he walked into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and brush his teeth. He ignored the tears that were on his face. 

He drove Carmen’s car to the hospital, not sure she’d want to ride his bike if she was feeling sick. When he pulled up to the curb, she was waiting for him. 

“You doing okay?” he asked after she got in and buckled her seatbelt. She nodded though she kept one hand on her upset stomach. 

“Yeah, I think the fresh air helped a little.” 

“Alright, well, we’ll get you home and then you can sleep-- Sound good?” he said, reaching over to rub Carmen’s thigh through her scrub pants. 

“Yeah.” She leaned her head back against the seat, grateful her boyfriend hadn’t come on his motorcycle. 

For the rest of the day, they lounged around the apartment, Dean watching TV while Carmen slept with her head in his lap. She woke up a few times feeling nauseous enough to warrant a walk to the bathroom but didn’t get sick again. 

Dean made them some soup for dinner, hoping it would be mild enough not to upset her stomach then they settled down to watch a movie. Halfway through it, though, Dean turned it off so he could carry her to bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, yes, I chose not to have Dean drive the Impala in this AU. He drove it in the episode, but that was the real Dean, not the AU Dean. And this Dean feels a lot of guilt in regards to his dad so I doubt he'd want to drive around in a daily reminder of him. 
> 
> Plus, I honestly think Dean Winchester would look hot on a motorcycle...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like having a couple of medical students at your disposal...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, this one features Carmen and her coworkers.

After her second week of feeling like crud, Carmen turned to her friends at the hospital to try to figure out what was wrong. 

“Symptoms?” Jenna asked, palpating her abdomen. 

“Uh, extreme nausea and tiredness.” 

“Does your nausea come and go or is it always present?” Vicki helped Carmen sit up so she could check her breath sounds. “Breathe in… and out. Good. Again.” 

Carmen shrugged. “It comes and goes... I don’t throw up though--except for the first day I noticed it-- when I had to go home during my shift.” The ladies nod as they continue their evaluation.  After fifteen minutes, they told her she can put her shirt back on. 

Then, they asked her a few more questions. 

“Are your menstrual cycles regular?” 

Carmen nodded while retying the drawstring on her pants. “Yes, very. They’re like clockwork.” 

“Have you noticed any changes in your appetite?” 

“Other than feeling nauseous when I’m around food-- no.” 

“How many hours a night have you been sleeping?” Vicki piped up. 

Carmen thought back. “Maybe four or five? The nausea wakes me up.” 

“Have you been napping?” 

“Yeah,” Carmen said, smiling wryly, “Every chance I can get.” 

“Has anyone in the home been sick recently?” 

“No,  _ Dean’s _ been feeling fine.” She knew her friends were trying to be professional, but they’d met her boyfriend on more than one occasion. 

Vickie looked stumped, but Jenna... Jenna had an odd look on her face. 

“Jen, what is it?” Carmen asked, afraid her friend had noticed something she missed. 

“You said your periods are regular, right?” 

“Right…” 

“And I’m pretty sure that most of the female interns in our class have synched up--” she paused, biting her lip. 

Vicki frowned at her. “Jenna, what are you going on about?” 

“It’s just-- we all had ours earlier this week, right? But, uh, I don’t remember Carmen…” 

Carmen’s mind raced. Jenna was right. All of the girls had their periods around the same time thanks to sharing such close quarters, but she hadn’t gotten hers with the others this last time. Come to think of it-- she couldn’t remember when she’d had it last…

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. Vicki scooted closer to grab her hand while Jenna stood up, announcing, “Okay, you guys stay here-- I’ll get the pregnancy test.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big changes are on the horizon.

Dean was in the shower when he heard the front door slam. He finished rinsing his head under the water then shouted, “Babe-- you home?” There was no answer, but since he was sure he’d heard the door, he quickly rinsed the soap off of his body and dried off.  After slipping on a fresh pair of boxers and his 'nice' jeans, he walked into the living room to find his girlfriend sitting on the couch. 

Dean leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Hey, honey, how was work?” 

Carmen huffed a laugh, “It was-- uh,  _ interesting. _ ” 

“Oh?” he said, toweling off his hair. They were supposed to be meeting his family at the restaurant in thirty minutes for his mother’s birthday. 

“Yeah, “ Carmen said, trying to contain her grin. “It was very surprising.” Her voice shook when a tear slipped down her cheek.  Dean saw it and moved to sit beside her. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” When he frowned, she rushed to correct her statement, “--Nothing bad, I promise.” She leaned forward to kiss him. 

Although he was confused, Dean accepted his girlfriend into his arms and kissed her back. “Okay, well that’s uh, good, then... Right?” 

“Right. Gosh, I should get ready-- We don’t want to be late!” Her voice took on an excited tone that made him jump. 

“You sure you’re okay, babe?” Dean asked her warily. 

“Yes, I’m good--great, even. Just... ready to see your mom.”

“Okay…” 

Carmen grasped Dean’s hands in hers, smiling brightly. “Celebrate her birthday-- and anything else that’s worth celebrating.” 

Suspicion crept into his eyes. “Carmen, baby-- is there something you’re not telling me?” 

“What?  _ No. _ I’m just happy. And excited to see--” 

“--my mom. Yeah, I heard you the first time, babe.” Dean wasn’t convinced, but he’d promised his mother he would behave tonight so he decided to humor his girlfriend’s weird behavior. 

“ _ Right _ …” Carmen said, blushing. She knew she was freaking him out, but she was too excited about the news. And she wanted to tell him, but tonight was Mary’s birthday and Sam and Jessica were here. She stood up. “Well, we should probably get going if we don’t want to be late.” 

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “You… wanna go to dinner in _that..._?” 

“Huh?” Carmen looked down to see she was still in her scrubs. “Oh!” She gestured for Dean to stay seated. “I will go change. You stay here.” 

“Okay.” 

  
  


Carmen’s good mood had dipped by the time they made it to the restaurant, her nausea flaring up as soon as she smelled the aroma coming from the steakhouse. 

“Maybe we should head home,” Dean mumbled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they walked inside. “You don’t look so good…” 

“I’m okay, just a little queasy.” 

Dean’s frown deepened. “Again? We gotta figure out what’s going on with you...” 

“Actually--” Carmen started, turning to face him. “I had the girls run a few tests at work and they found out that I--” 

“Carmen! Dean!” 

Dean glanced towards his mother before looking back at his girlfriend, concern pooling in his gut. But Carmen was already walking over to Mary to give her a hug. Swallowing his concern, Dean pasted a believable smile onto his face.  “Hey, Mom. Happy Birthday.” 

“Thank you, honey. And Carmen-- look at you! I barely recognize you without your scrubs on!” 

Carmen chuckled, “Well, it is a special occasion after all.” 

They followed Mary back to the table where a young man and a blonde were waiting. Dean’s smile froze. 

“Sam,” he said, his heart racing in his chest. 

The young man in the black suit and yellow tie looked up from where he’d been conversing with the blonde. “Dean.”  The tension between the two brothers oozed over the table, creating an awkward silence that had Mary’s smile slipping from her face. 

Finally, Carmen spoke up.  “Jessica, it’s always so nice to see you. How was your flight?” 

Following his girlfriend’s lead, Dean took a seat at the table after seating his mother. Though Dean kept finding his gaze drifting to his brother, Sam didn’t spare him another look.  Dean placated his hurt feelings by finishing off two glasses of champagne before the entrees arrived. 

“Alright, Jess and I actually have another surprise for mom’s birthday,” Sam said, pulling the attention of the table. He and his girlfriend exchanged a brief cutesy argument over who should say it before Jessica finally held out her hand to show off her engagement ring. 

“Oh! Oh, my God! That's wonderful!” Mary squealed, getting up to hug her future daughter-in-law. Jessica showed off the ring to her and Carmen while Dean exchanged an awkward hug with his brother. 

“Congrats, man.” 

“Thanks, I know it may not seem like it, but uh, _I’m glad you’re here…_ ”

Sam’s voice faded as Dean’s attention shifted to Carmen. His girlfriend- who had only moments before been politely gushing over Jessica’s beautiful diamond ring- had suddenly stepped back. She brought her fingers to her lips. 

Dean interrupted his brother to say, “Uh, Sam, I think you’re gonna have to-”  Carmen’s body jerked forward and she mumbled something to Mary and Jessica before speed-walking towards the restrooms.  “-- _Shit_.” 

He turned to Sam. “Excuse me, I need to go check on Carmen.” 

Dean hurried through the dining room after his girlfriend, the inquisitive calls of his family fading into the background. 

Since he couldn’t waltz into the ladies’ room to find her, he sat down on one of the chairs along the wall to wait for her. After about fifteen minutes, he really started to worry and so decided to head back into the dining room for some back-up. 

“Uh, Jess? Can I speak to you for a minute?” he said, walking up to the table. 

“Dean--there you are! Is everything alright? Where’s Carmen?” Mary asked a million questions while Sam stayed silent.  After a moment Jess warily followed her future brother-in-law a few steps away. 

He and Sam didn’t have the best relationship so Jess was always a little unnerved when Dean wanted to speak to her without Sam. 

“I hate to steal you away from the party, but uh, well-- Carmen’s pretty sick and I was hoping you’d be willing to go in to check on her? I would but, you know... I'm a guy.” 

Jess’s brows knitted in concern before she sighed with relief. “Oh, of course. Let me just tell Sam and then, I’ll go. But hey, you should sit back down... talk with your mom...”

“Yeah, okay--thanks, I appreciate it.” 

After sitting down, the first thing Dean did was pick up his girlfriend’s untouched glass of champagne and gulp it down to calm his nerves.

_“Dean, honey,”_ Mary whispered, laying her hand on his arm, _“why don’t you slow down a little…”_

“Sorry.” Dean coughed when he burped softly and the bubbles went up his nose. 

When Sam snorted, Dean turned to glare at him. “‘S there something you want to say to me, Sam?” 

“Nope.” Sam popped the last letter unnecessarily before giving Dean serious side-eye. 

“Why don’t you just get it off your chest?” Dean snarled. Mary tried to but in, but neither of her sons was listening. 

“Alright,” Sam said, leaning forward, “You really want to know?” 

“Yeah, Sam, I do.” 

“Well, I was just thinking that it figures that you would end up ruining another holiday.” 

Dean’s anger simmered. “ _ Excuse me? _ ” 

“Well, let’s see,” Sam sneered, holding his fingers up to count off Dean’s biggest familial fuck-ups. “There was last Christmas when you puked all over Mom’s last boyfriend-- Easter, when you and Carmen got caught having sex in the parking lot-- My sixteenth birthday when you drunkenly made out with every girl I invited, including the one I had a crush on-- Oh, and Dad’s funeral. When you cried hysterically next to his grave with a bottle of Jack Daniels’ clutched in your hand--” He didn’t get any further than that, because Dean snapped. 

Before his rational mind could process what was happening, Dean lunged for his brother and tackled him to the floor. 

Mary could only gape, shocked by her sons’ behavior while they traded blows in the dining room of her favorite upscale restaurant. The patrons at the tables nearby stared at the spectacle taking place before them and Mary's cheeks reddened. 

Dean decked Sam in the face, splitting his little brother’s lip open and getting blood on his knuckles. Sam then retaliated by headbutting him and kneeing Dean in the groin before roughly shoving him off-- Dean knocked into the next table, the dishes clanging loudly while a glass shattered on the floor. 

Clutching at his nuts, Dean groaned before the champagne in his stomach evacuated messily onto the carpet next to some lady’s red high heels. 

The two missing members of their party arrived just in time to see Dean vomit while Sam used a napkin to dab at his bloodied lip. 

_“Dean!”_ Carmen called out, rushing to help her boyfriend. She checked out the scratch on his face and gingerly touched his chest to make sure he hadn't broken any ribs when Sam tossed him. 

Meanwhile, Jessica hurried over to her fiance, feeling secondhand embarrassment heat her cheeks. She grabbed Sam's arm to forcefully walk him away from Dean and Carmen. _“What the hell is the matter with you?”_ She whispered angrily, swatting his chest. 

The restaurant’s maitre d’ came over to speak to Mary while several busboys rushed to clean the broken plates and discarded silverware so the rest of the patrons could resume their meals. The large wet spot was covered with a towel. 

“Madam?" The older gentleman in a nice suit leaned down so he was eye-level with Mary, but she knew he was looking down on her regardless. "I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to ask your party to leave.” 

Tears in her eyes and mascara running down her face, she nodded. “Of course...I’m so sorry.” She stood up before addressing her sons. “Boys, get your things-- We’re leaving.” 

When they walked out of the restaurant, Dean tried to apologize. “Mom, I’m sorry--” 

“ _ Don’t say a word _ .” Though she was still crying, Mary’s tone was cold and her eyes held nothing but disappointment. “ _Sam. Dean._ I am _mortified_ by your behavior. Dean, I expected this from, but  _ you _ , Sam? I know I raised you better...” 

_'Dean, I expected this from"_ Ouch...that stung. Dean winced as he realized his mother’s opinion of him was much lower than he'd thought. Carmen tightened the grip on his arm a little more, offering him the only comfort she could without interrupting Mary’s tirade. 

“How  _ dare _ you two get into a  _ brawl _ in the middle of a _public restaurant!_ _You should both be ashamed of yourselves!”_ A tear slid down Dean’s face while Sam tried to calm their mother down. 

“ _No, Samuel, I will not calm down! It is my birthday and you two ruined it!_ We were having such a lovely time but then  _ you _ _had to pick on your brother!_ ” 

Sam stepped back, aghast. “Wait--You’re saying this is  _ my  _ fault?! _He's the one he jumped over the table!”_

“What I'm saying is that  _ you _ , Sam Winchester, have some twisted idea that you’re better than your brother-- but _you are wrong!_ You are _just as bad as he is!_ _Rubbing every mistake in his face and looking down your nose at him!_ Well, I will tell you right now--Your father and I did _not_ raise a bully so you better fix your attitude."

"And  _ you _ , Dean Winchester--” Mary turned to tell her eldest son off as well, only to find that he and his girlfriend had already left. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean realizes he's no longer the man he wants to be and makes a hard decision.

When Dean and Carmen got home, he immediately went into the bathroom to purge his sins. He clung to the toilet bowl as champagne and the fancy porkchop he’d ordered splashed into it, his tie getting caught in the crossfire. 

Carmen knocked on the locked door. “Dean? Are you alright in there?” 

Dean sat back against the bathtub and drew his knees up to his chest as he sobbed. Everything his brother had said was true. If it wasn’t Dean’s drinking getting him into trouble, it was his constant need for attention or the inability to control his emotions. 

He didn’t remember Sam’s sixteenth birthday party, but the guilt and pain from embarrassing not only himself but the rest of his family at his dad’s funeral still sickened him. 

It wasn’t that Dean didn’t know  _ how _ to cope with the sudden loss of his father, he’d just  _ chosen _ to drown his sorrows in a bottle of liquor instead of dealing with the grief. 

“Honey, please unlock the door…” Carmen begged, her hand pressed to the wood. She jumped when she heard the knob turn, stepping back so Dean could open the door. One look at his face and she thrust herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. 

_ “I can’t do this anymore, Carmen…” _

“Oh, honey, just breathe. It’s okay, you’re alright…” 

“I’m not,” Dean said, resting his chin on her head. 

“What do you mean?” she asked tearfully. 

Dean walked over to the bed and sat down. He held her hands in his before finally looking up to meet her eyes. 

“ _ I think I need help…” _

"Dean, what're you--" 

_"Carmen, I-I think I'm an alcoholic..."_ Dean's voice shook terribly when he said the words out loud, admitting what everyone had been saying for far too long. 

_"Oh, Dean..._ " Carmen wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close, letting him cry into her shirt. _"We'll get you whatever help you need, okay? I love you and I'm gonna help you through this."_

Laying in bed a few hours later, their naked limbs tangled beneath the sheets, Dean surprised her when he said, "I have to do this, Carmen. Not only for me- and you- but also for the baby." 

Carmen rolled over, her eyes wide in disbelief. "You knew?" 

"Course I did, babe. I'm not an idiot--I remember how it was when my mom was pregnant with Sam." 

"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked, reaching out to push her fingers through Dean's hair. 

He snorted a laugh. "I was waiting for you to make your big announcement." 

Carmen laughed softly. "I was going to tell you tonight..." 

"I kind of figured. The way you were acting when you got home? It was either that or you decided to get high for the first time." 

"Dean!" she accused, lightly hitting his arm. She turned back over to hide her smile, but Dean just pulled her back against his chest. "Are you...happy...about it?" she asked timidly. 

"Yeah, I am," he said, tucking his head into the crook of her neck. "Are you?" 

"Yes." 

When Dean spoke again, his voice had taken on a serious tone. "Baby, I need you to promise me something..." 

"Of course, honey. What is it?" 

"I need you to promise that you won't let me leave early." 

"From rehab?" 

"Yeah, I-I need to do this, but... _I'm scared_." 

Carmen felt tears pooling in her eyes. "You have no idea," she said, her voice wavering with the strong emotions washing over her, "how _proud_ of you I am right now, Dean Winchester. So, you listen to me close. _You are not in this alone._ Okay? I'm going to be right by your side the whole time. _I'm not going anywhere_." 


	7. Epilogue

“ _ Hey, Mom. It’s Dean. I just wanted to call to let you know that you probably won’t hear from me for a while... Carmen’s driving me up to a rehab facility in Topeka this weekend and I’ll be there for at least three months while I figure out the drinking and get help. It’s supposedly a really good program-- and Bobby’s holding my job at the garage for me… Alright, well, I love you, Mom. And I’m sorry. I hope next time we talk you’ll be able to be proud of me.” _

* * *

_ “Jessica, it’s Dean-- Wait, before you hang up, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I tried calling Sam’s number but...well, uh, look, can you just...Tell him I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry that I missed his graduation and I’m sorry I ruined his sixteenth birthday and--fuck. I’m sorry for being such a poor excuse for a big brother. But I want him to know that I’m getting help and he helped convince me to do it, in his own way. Aw, hell...Can you just tell my little brother I love him?” _

* * *

_ “Hey, babe, sorry I missed your call--our group session ran long. But hey-- that’s great news about the job offer! I’ve been showing everyone your belly pics and can’t wait to see you next weekend. You’re getting so big! Crap--I probably shouldn’t have said that... I can’t believe our little girl’s going to be here in less than five months-- Oh, Johnny’s signaling for me to wrap it up so I guess I’ll just leave you with, ‘I love you and can’t wait to see you.’”  _

Dean’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he quickly ventured out to the quiet hospital hallway so he wouldn’t wake Carmen or their newborn daughter. “Hello?” 

_ “Hey, Dean, I just got the pics you sent--Congratulations, man.”  _

“Thanks, Sammy. You and Jess still flying up to meet her?” 

_“You know it. Although Jess may have me beat in the ‘excited to meet the new niece’ department,”_ Sam said, chuckling. 

Dean smiled as he chatted with his brother a little more before he finally hung up so he could go back inside the room to check on his girls. Carmen was still sleeping, exhausted after almost thirty-one hours of hard labor, but Christiana was awake so Dean scooped her up into his arms. He carried her over to the chair he’d been sitting in off and on and offered the baby his finger. 

Christiana wrapped her tiny fist around it, and Dean smiled, feeling immeasurable joy. 

It had been a long road to get here, but now that he was, there was nothing that was going to convince him to let go. 

_ Not Jose, Jack, or Jim. _

**Author's Note:**

> As I said at the beginning, this is the beginning of a new series of AU sickfics featuring alternate versions of Sam and Dean from the show. I already have a few ideas in mind (Smith and Wesson, anyone?) but I'd love to hear your suggestions as well. 
> 
> Leave a comment, if you'd like or just give a little kudos to let me know you liked it! 
> 
> Until next time, my twisted lovelies...


End file.
